Growing Up in a Competitive World: Finding My Sisterhood

Growing up, I believed the phrase “stronger together” was just a hollow saying. The reality of my world was different—women pitted against women, fueled by jealousy, insecurities, and societal pressures. It felt like an unspoken competition was woven into the fabric of our lives, measuring beauty, success, and relationships like they were trophies to be won. This environment shaped me in ways I never fully understood until I began the journey of unlearning and healing.

photo by @sotodasaificoaching

In school, there was always an underlying tension. Compliments were rare and often tinged with passive-aggressiveness. “She’s pretty, but...” or “She only got that because...” echoed in hallways and lunch tables. Instead of building each other up, we tore each other down, as if another girl’s glow dimmed our own. Friendships often felt transactional—alliances formed based on convenience, only to dissolve the moment competition surfaced. It seemed impossible to fully trust or feel safe in female friendships.

I internalized these dynamics deeply. I learned to guard my achievements, fearing they might make me a target. I second-guessed my worth whenever someone seemed prettier or more accomplished. And most heartbreakingly, I became hesitant to celebrate other women’s victories, not out of malice, but because I had been conditioned to see them as a reflection of my own shortcomings.

These experiences left scars. For a long time, I struggled to connect with other women. I feared judgment, rejection, and the all-too-familiar sting of betrayal. But deep down, I yearned for connection. I craved the warmth of sisterhood, the kind of bond where you cheer for each other’s wins and hold space for each other’s struggles. I just didn’t know how to find it.

My turning point came during a period of self-reflection—a time when life demanded I confront my inner wounds and rewrite the narratives I’d carried. Through journaling, therapy, and introspection, I realized the truth: the competitive, hostile environment I grew up in wasn’t a reflection of women’s nature. It was a symptom of societal conditioning that thrived on division and scarcity.

As I unlearned these patterns, I began to show up differently in my interactions with women. I led with openness and vulnerability, resisting the urge to compare or compete. I started to celebrate other women’s achievements genuinely, knowing their success didn’t take away from mine. Slowly, the walls I had built began to crumble.

And then, something beautiful happened. I started to attract women who embodied the kind of sisterhood I had always longed for. These were women who uplifted, encouraged, and supported without strings attached. Women who saw collaboration, not competition, as the path forward. They became my mirrors, reflecting back to me the beauty of what it means to be part of a tribe.

Finding my sisterhood has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. It’s taught me the power of connection, the strength in vulnerability, and the magic that happens when women stand together. It’s also given me the courage to show up as my authentic self, without fear of judgment or rejection.

Today, I’m committed to fostering this kind of environment wherever I go. I want to be the woman who reminds others of their light, who celebrates their victories, and who stands beside them in their struggles. Because when women support each other, we don’t just thrive—we soar.

If you’ve grown up in a similar environment of competition and jealousy, know this: it’s never too late to unlearn. It’s never too late to rewrite your story and find your tribe. True sisterhood exists, and it’s waiting for you on the other side of fear and comparison. Together, we can break the cycle and create a world where women truly uplift each other, one connection at a time.